"I wasn't knocked up, okay?!"

While I was pregnant with Mikayla I was nervous, among other feelings, about taking off my ring because I thought I'd get a lot of judgmental stares. Eventually I had a peace about removing it, but sure enough the looks were ready for me. At all the stores, at the nail salon, and especially the park, I could feel those judging eyes. I just wanted to yell out, "I wasn't knocked up, okay?!" And the judgement hasn't stopped now that I've had the baby. Now there's even more assumption. Like today, when I had to mention the divorce, I get the assumption that I must be with a new baby daddy already because nobody guesses that I was left WHILE I was pregnant. Ok, I wasn't knocked up and I'm not a slut either. And while I'm at it, I'm not an irresponsible woman who didn't use protection, nor am I welfare addict, and I'm not trying to be the next independent octo-mom either.

I guess this is how it's going to be for the next who knows how many years, as I struggle to carry the car seat and hold a toddler's wiggly hand across the street. It will happen when I am having to nurse Mikayla at the park and Natanya suddenly decides to stop obeying instruction. I'll be waiting for it on the days that I don't get a chance to even touch my hair after waking up and I probably smell of spit-up from going a few days without a shower. And when I have two tired babies crying in the grocery cart as I hurry to get what we need as fast as possible, usually having to forgo grabbing more than a few things on the list. Thank you to the few of you out there who grab the door for me on the way out.

As a christian, I believe that we need to look at everyone and see the them the same way God does, with love and through their current situation to the reasons why they're there. But wow, now I know why. We have no idea why people appear the way they do. I really encourage everyone reading this, and especially myself, to really take notice of how you look at people, what you are quick to think about when you see them. If it's not loving, it's not right. Someone you suspect is guilty might actually be suffering, so let's please stop assuming. I can't have it together right now because, right now, it is literally falling apart. In the mean time, I'm going to try and hold my head up and believe that God knows even if they don't.