Usually I try not to write until I have come to the resolution of the current mind-battle I'm in. However, this time writing might be my only hope for some answers. I am trying to figure out something about men and romantic relationships that has gotten me to a very confused place. Part of the problem is that I have two counter-active things working at the same time. On one hand, I don't want to make the same mistakes I did in the beginning of my relationship with my ex husband. So I want to stick up for myself and not overlook any red flags or settle when I feel something is off. But on the other hand, I don't want to make the same mistakes I did later on by having too powerful and commanding of a "delivery" when I would express my dissatisfaction. So I come to a loss, what is it that I'm meant to do moving forward in my mostly-uneventful romantic world?
Who's voice is it telling me something is off? Here's where I do have some insight. I do know that I know...that I KNOW I hear God's voice. That's a skill I've spent a long time developing. And recently I have learned that before I react to something that I feel is off, I HAVE TO pause and check whether or not I just got that from the Holy Spirit or from a jaded girl's mind who's been cut so very deep. If it's not from the voice of God, then there is not any reason to react to it......wow.... right now I'm hearing the Lord's wisdom on this.
What I have been doing instead of doing that internal "check" is reacting and expecting the person on the other end to give me the answer of whether or not it is truth. Wow, wow, wow! (Okay God, I get it). Their answer never satisfies because they haven't earned my trust yet. I can only trust God, especially in the beginning. And if I do that check and It is his voice, then it does not require my divulging it to the other party just simply listen to the Lord's direction. Alright, that was awesome, but I still have questions.
What about when you are in a time and trust-tested relationship? Then what? Am I supposed to point out the thing that I think is wrong? Or do I just hibernate in my room in prayer hoping for a perfect way to sneakily expose the issue covered in compliments while I stand there looking as pretty as possible? To me, that just sounds like a strange form of manipulation. But I don't know, am I wrong? I want to have a voice that is confident because God made me a woman of strong convictions and I want a husband who is stronger then me and can still feel like the leader when I am just being myself. Is it possible that a husband can love their wife enough to hear what she is saying and know it is truly coming from a place of love? Or does every man just hear criticism and disrespect which they use as a door into a isolated state as they chose to retract love from their woman?
There are two bible passages that seem to point me in either direction. One is in Ephesians 5: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
To me, this seems to describe the husbands role of perceiving his wife in a certain way which would allow him to hear her words as encouraging him to be a better man, rather then stepping on his toes.
And then there's 1 Peter chapter 3: 1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
I would take from these verses that the way to a man's heart, especially if it's hard, is not with words but with what the following verses describe as a "gentle and quiet spirit."
So here I am, for the first time ever in my blog, truly asking for anyone else's insight on this. Men, how do you want to be talked to in a sensitive situation? Women, what are your experiences with this in your relationships? Everyone, what do you think God is trying to teach me in this seemingly gray area?
